“I Can’t Stop Daddy. You Have To.”

In honor of my daughter turning one today, I am re-posting this post from a few months ago. Time is like a vapor. I am glad I slowed down some this year.

From June 27, 2010

I can go. Pretty much non-stop. I am learning how to slow things down.

Six months ago, I took a DISC assessment with a work group to become more self-aware and other-aware. After answering questions for 10 minutes, this assessment somehow knew me as well, if not better than, I know myself. Everything was revealed - strengths, weaknesses, how I act under stress, how to communicate with me, things I should be careful of when communicating with others. The assessment begins with 2 full pages of who I am in essay form. The first sentence of that essay? Andrew is task-oriented. Translation - he’ll offend you by not paying attention to you at times. My two managers laughed when they read that first line. They were thinking, “Yep, nailed it.”

I have seen the good and the bad of the way I am bent. I do care about people. Pretty deeply actually. But, if I am not extremely intentional about prioritizing tasks and managing my time well, disaster can strike in my relationships. Thankfully, I am young, rather self-aware and disaster has not struck in any life altering way. I try to adapt when I know something needs to change and I can say I am a much less offensive person than I was a few years ago. Thank you to my wife.

Recently, when my daughter was about a month and a half old, I was sitting on the couch playing with her. She was learning and doing something new every day. I started talking to her and said, “Kate, stop growing. You are changing too fast.” She was looking right at me and a very clear thought went through my mind, “I can’t stop Daddy. You have to.” Apparently she understood what I said.

People don’t have to be task-oriented to get distracted from what really matters in life. Our culture screams - GO, GO, GO! We work longer and relax less than almost any other culture on the planet. Who suffers? Everyone. Everyone has a child, parent, sibling or friend that suffers. You suffer when relationships aren’t as deep as they could be. Of course, at times things have to get done. But, more often than not, those things are not as urgent as we make them. To-do lists are not the only offender. Hobbies? Work? Social life? Good things, like community service? There is plenty that will steal our time. Balance is worth striving after. Slow down. It probably doesn’t matter. Whatever “it” is can probably wait. I have slowed down on purpose for a while now. Kate’s little telepathic one-liner was a pretty significant reminder. I am just glad she didn’t say that to me when she was 14.

What I Learned in 2010

I learned that if you become willing to let God lead your life, he might lead you in a direction you would not initially imagine going.

If you become willing to let God lead you, You might make decisions that initially make no sense and are initially painful.

I learned that when you make definitive decisions, and try to do so with integrity, you will likely suffer collateral damage. Not losing sight of what is right and more important might cause relationships you cherish to be lost.

I became more aware of the fact that having tough conversations with people you lead is never something to shy away from.

I would rather have tough conversations filled with honesty than be cowardly for the sake of comfort.

I learned that marketing in business is much more simple than we often make it in our minds.

It was solidified in my mind that welcoming tension between opposing positions is better than having peace from no conflict. 

I saw how much emphasis needs to be put on focus in my life.

I learned that I need to be more decisive to be a better leader.

I learned that I need to ask more questions than I need to make statements.

I came to understand the grace of God on another level when I read The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller.

It was solidified in my mind that perceptions are often not reality. We subtly judge, and we should not.

I learned even more so that I have an unbelievable wife.

I learned that being a father is incredible.

I experienced that if you ask God for faith, He will give it.

I experienced that if God is leading, He will provide.

I experienced the difference in myself of moments of false humility and true humility. And moments of arrogance and confidence. And the roots of those.

I realized more than ever that, above all else, society needs the Church to be the Church and Christians, including me, to strive to be more Christ-like.

I know more so that God is sovereign.

What did you learn?

I Resolve To Be…

I do not usually think much about resolutions. Don’t get me wrong. I am goal oriented and try to have goals I am shooting for. But I try not to get dramatic at the beginning of each year, set some goals and then fizzle out.

This year I have been giving resolutions a little more thought. But I have been thinking about them differently. Rather than what I need or want to do, I will be making resolutions of what I need or want to be.

It is easy to fall in to the doing trap. Workout, read, community service… Motions, motions, motions… I will do this because it is logical. I will do that because everyone else is doing it. We do to check off the boxes. The motivation fizzles and the doing dies. Then we get, “In 2012, I resolve to…do the same thing I resolved to do last year.”

In 2011, I will resolve to be. I am thinking about what those things are. Of course, in order to be, I will have to do some things. Discipline is part of it. Some times being comes from doing. Some times it happens at the same time. Some times doing comes from being. One thing is for sure, no doing ever lasts without the being ever taking root. So with the focus more on being, maybe the doing will stick. Then, in 2012, I will genuinely be. Then the things I was doing will be part of who I am and not what I do.

If I could get one thing for every person I know for Christmas…

It would be this book. I just finished reading it. Crucial.

The Buck Stopped (Leadership is Not Always Fun)

That is not the blunt title that I wanted to type for this post. I will hold my tongue.

I had a tough week recently. Really, really tough. It was two weeks ago. I had one of those weeks where you are ready for the weekend by Tuesday afternoon. It would not come fast enough. I won’t bore anyone with details, but during that week it seemed like if it could go wrong, it did. Andrew, “This broke.” “This person needs to go to urgent care.” - true story.

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Truth Tellers

I have to be thankful in life for the truth tellers around me. My wife for instance - I am better because of her. Far, far better. I can’t even begin on that one. This post is about people outside of family. Truth tellers outside of family are crucial (but, if you don’t have truth tellers in your family, you might want to start there).

I have a few friends that will call me out on anything or ask tough questions when others would not. I am thankful for that.

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I Was Just a Punk Kid Down the Street

Something has been on my mind lately. I have been thinking of how we often explain God to ourselves by paralleling it to our relationship with our kids. We look at our love for our kids and get a glimpse of how God loves us. We are made in his image so the analogy works in a lot of ways. He is a Father. As I was thinking about the love of God, I started to think about Kate, my 9 month old daughter. I thought to myself, “I would lay down my life for Kate. That’s a little glimpse of how God loves me.” However, we have to keep our minds in check because our hearts are deceitful and our love for our kids doesn’t scratch the surface of God’s love. We can’t fully understand it with just thinking of how we love our kids. I have heard the love of God explained in this way before. But, that analogy is incomplete. It is insufficient.

Yes, Jesus laid down his life for us. He calls us his children, so that is what we are. He was fully God when that happened. He does not work within our limits of time. So, He knew who His children were when he laid his life down. He died for his children. But follow me. Jesus was also fully man, fully the Son of God. He was God’s only begotten Son. I was a sinner. I did not love Him. I had no regard for Him. So, to fully make an analogy out of our love for our kids to try to grasp the love of God for us, we would also have to add this: it would be like me killing my only daughter so that some punk kid down the street who had no regard for my family and did nothing but hate me could join my family.

Sorry punk kid. I would never do that.

He is unsearchable.

Down With the Motions

A couple of weeks ago, as I was driving, I was in a music slump - same music, over and over. I think anyone who listens to music can relate. You love a certain band or song, listen regularly, it becomes ‘normal’. So I started listening to Pandora more. Pandora is great, but if you are like me, if a song comes on and it doesn’t grab you quickly, you hit skip. And then, even a Pandora station can become old hat by listening to what sounds familiar. Anyway, a song came on that started out with piano and violin, a hymn in it’s original form. Don’t get me wrong - I can appreciate a hymn. I just don’t typically listen to them when I want good music in the car. I almost skipped it but decided against it. I was transfixed as I listened to it (Give Me Jesus by Fernando Ortega - you may have ‘had to be there’).  I could not sing along. It was not ordinary. It was not the typical genre of music I would listen to. The song moved me pretty powerfully. I wouldn’t have been moved if I pressed ‘skip’.

Going through the motions is bland. Plain yogurt.

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